Two Grills, One Chop: The Internet’s Most Perplexing Food Porn

 

These days the internet is rife with captivating food images that run the gamut from edible high-art to lust/shame-inducing food-smut. But it’s the curious images below that have captured my heart above all others. Some are just plain revolting, while others make you wonder why anyone would take the time to photograph and upload something so completely ubiquitous. Something like…

“Chips AND salsa?!?! Dude, if you don’t take a picture of this, no one is gonna believe us.”

I like to call this dish “Millionaire’s Throw-Up.”

Aaand “Not-a-Millionaire’s Throw-Up.”

Often it’s the lighting that determines the difference between “food porn” and “food Faces of Death.”

This campy treat is called “The Retro Burger.” But here’s an interesting fact about the 1950s: Even though the average American believed that brown people were sub-human, that homosexuality was a disease and that smoking was good for you, they still were wise enough to know that topping a burger with mashed potatoes is a fucking terrible idea.

“You know sometimes, when I’m kicking back with a big glass of Costco brand Merlot on a Bud Light coaster, I just can’t help but think to myself  ‘What-Ever-My-Name-Is, you’ve done ALLLRIGHT!’”

“Tomato Gang Bang.”

This pic was tagged as “Four Way Chili.” The four ways being:

1. Absent

2. Forgotten

3. Imagined

4. Disguised as 27 lbs of shredded cheese

“The sushi chef must be like the Samuri. His knife is his sword. His cuts are swift yet precise, always with respect for his opponent, the noble fish. His focus, strong; but his heart, humble, he blah, blah, blah. BLAAAH!!! Just slap some mayo on it, put this toy on the plate, charge those fuckers $17 dollars and call it a day.”